From Implants to Explant: Why I’m Removing My Breast Augmentation

When I was 20 years old, I had breast augmentation surgery. At the time, I was in a desperate place with my body image and eating disorders. The implants felt like a solution – a way to finally have the feminine, sexy figure I wanted.

Over the next decade, I did extensive healing with my body image and came to fully love and accept my implanted breasts. They had become a part of me. I appreciated the confidence they gave me.

But over the last couple of years, I started having whispers it might be time for them to go. As I learned about “breast implant illness” and thought about my long-term health, the nudges got louder.

Last summer of 2022, a moment happened that cemented my decision. A photo of myself on a hike in Peru triggered a profound knowing – these implants are not me anymore.

After 10 years of growth and change, it was time to let them go and return to my natural body.

My Complex History with Implants

The choice to get implants originally came from deep pain and a disconnect with my body. I’d struggled with disordered eating and body dysmorphia for years.

When a plastic surgeon offered me the chance to get implants during a medically necessary nipple surgery, I jumped at the opportunity. Finally, a quick fix to my small breasts that had caused me so much angst.

But the solution was surface-level. Over the next few years, while learning to love my augmented chest, my eating disorders and poor body image raged on. I had more work to do.

A Turning Point in My Body Healing

In my late 20s, I began immersing myself in personal development, breathwork, and somatic therapy. I cultivated tools to release trauma and connect with my body.

As I learned to listen within, old narratives about my body started falling away. I began accepting my natural figure, cellulite and all.

This inner work restored my trust with my body. I was no longer seeking external solutions like implants to address my pain. My healing pathway was within.

Coming to Love My Breasts, Implants and All

Ironically, it was only after undergoing intensive inner healing that I could truly appreciate my implants. Once I wasn’t relying on them for self-worth, I could see them for what they were – a physical feature like any other.

For several years, I felt neutral towards my implants. They didn’t define my femininity. They were simply a part of my body I’d chosen at one time. I thanked them and let them be.

The Explant Whispers Begin

When subtle health issues cropped up, I started pondering if my implants were connected. I’d also learned about breast implant illness and the impacted immune function and toxicity many women reported.

I asked my holistic doctor if implants could be removed. She reassured me we could manage any symptoms that arose. But a seed was planted.

Slowly over the next couple of years, the thought of explant surgery grew. My health remained a concern, but it was more an inner knowing my time with implants was ending.

The Final Clarity in Peru

On a hike to Machu Picchu last summer, seeing myself in a photo was the final straw. My breasts looked foreign, too oversized for my frame. I was overcome with the urge to explant.

Back home, I consulted with a surgeon and committed to surgery within the month. A powerful shift occurred in Peru – the implants that had once symbolized my womanhood now felt obsolete.

My Explant Fears

While emotionally ready for explant, I have anxieties about the process. I’m worried I’ll resent my smaller breasts post-surgery and struggle with confidence around intimacy.

But I’m determined to extend the same body acceptance I fostered with implants to my natural chest. I trust my toolkit of somatic practices to support me through triggers and shame.

I also feel immense gratitude for my partner’s complete love and support. He consistently reassures me that my body and breasts will remain beautiful to him at any size.

Honoring My Body’s Wisdom

At its core, my explant journey is about honoring my body’s wisdom. My body told me 10 years ago it desired implants. Today, it’s clearly signaling it’s ready for their removal.

I’m learning to follow my body’s guidance without shame about “reversing” my past choices. Our needs ebb and flow. What served me before may not serve me anymore.

By listening within, I can continue evolving as my body requires. There are always more layers to heal, shed, and reveal. I’m here for all of it.

Listen to the full episode for the full story.

Leave a Comment