Episode #17: Exploring Our Full Sexual Expression with Curiosity and Courage with Luci Lampe

Written by: Karenna Soto
The Fully Expressed Podcast
The Fully Expressed Podcast
Episode #17: Exploring Our Full Sexual Expression with Curiosity and Courage with Luci Lampe
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In this episode of the Fully Expressed Podcast, sex and relationship coach Luci Lampe shares what it takes to reclaim feminine power, create deeper intimacy, keep desire alive long-term, and fully embody our erotic aliveness both in and out of the bedroom.

After years of outsourcing her happiness and relying too heavily on her husband, Luci learned how to find happiness and pleasure within. This inner work became the foundation for transforming not only her marriage but how she shows up in all areas of life.

Now, Luci and her husband embody a sexually vibrant way of relating that infuses their entire lives with erotic aliveness—even during everyday moments like school pickup!

You can read the full podcast transcript for this episode below:

0:00
Welcome to the fully expressed podcast with Karenna.
0:03
This is a space where we get to talk about different topics that truly invite us into our fullest expression in life, relationships and business.
0:11
Today, we get to listen to the second live panel interview that we did at the podcast launch party for those that didn’t know we did do a podcast lunch party back in October.
0:23
And it went so beautifully well and I’m so grateful that I get the opportunity to share with you the live interviews that we did there.
0:31
Everyone really walked away with such powerful takeaways.
0:36
The engagement was amazing.
0:38
I got such amazing feedback and this next guest that I interviewed, her name is Luci.
0:43
Lampe.
0:44
Luci and I met about a year ago when I was really exploring what it meant to just further explore myself sexually thinking about hiring a sex and relationship coach her and I truly hit it off.
0:56
And so she also lives here in California, in San, near, near San Diego, California and I invited her to come on to the event and this is one juicy conversation.
1:11
I mean, Lucy freaking brought it to the day.
1:17
So please let me introduce you to Luci and here we go.
1:23
So I’m so excited to introduce you guys to Luci Lampe.
1:28
Is that how I say last name Lampe?
1:29
Got it right.
1:30
Ok.
1:31
Because the way that I met Luci, so about a year ago to this day, I did a wild feminine embodiment shoot at blacks to really kind of capture my embodiment.
1:45
And it was probably the most magical thing.
1:46
You should reach out.
1:47
Megan, reach out to Megan, but Megan is best friends with Lucy and I was talking to Megan about how I’m really thinking about, you know, searching into more sex courses, intimacy, creating deeper relationships, working with a sex and trauma form coach.
2:04
And so that’s how I met Luci.
2:06
I’m going to let her introduce herself, but I got on the phone with Luci and immediately within a minute, I felt like it was so easy to talk to you.
2:16
I found out that Luci is also Peruvian.
2:19
So if you guys don’t know, I’m Peruvian and so she is Peruvian.
2:22
And so we just like, really vibed on that.
2:25
And I walked away from that being like, oh, I’m going to work with you someday.
2:29
Just because of how you met me on the call and how safe you were on the call and also just how playful and real and honest you are.
2:38
And if you’ve ever seen her social media content with her and her husband, they literally embody that at their home.
2:45
And so she has really been such an inspiration to me.
2:48
And so I invited her today to be here.
2:50
And so thank you for saying, yes, thank you.
2:53
Do you want to introduce yourself to me?
2:55
Sure.
2:56
It’s funny because in the introduction, in the one group and they in the little number one group, I was like, yeah, I think we met on a discovery call for something about a course.
3:03
But no, it was me.
3:04
It was, it was Megan.
3:05
I mean, we did have a discovery call but Megan was one.
3:08
She was, she was the link.
3:09
Oh my God.
3:10
I fucking love Megan.
3:11
Oh, great.
3:11
She’s in Mexico right now.
3:12
Anyways, side conversation.
3:14
Yeah.
3:15
So I’m Luci Lampe and I actually, I live up in Carlsbad but I am from Peru and I moved over to the States when I was really young.
3:24
Been in California about 11 years and I live in just, you know, up, up up the street with my husband Ryan.
3:31
We’ve been married almost 17 years in less than two months.
3:35
Yeah.
3:35
And then we have four kids, ages seven through almost 16.
3:39
So busy full, full life.
3:43
But yeah, a lot of the work that I do has to do with that wild feminine embodiment and really reclaiming all these parts of ourselves.
3:53
You know, our inner slut, our inner witch, our inner medicine woman our inner crazy bitch like all these things that we tend to kind of distill you know what I’m talking about?
4:01
He’s like all the, all the men in relationships are like, oh what the fuck you’re talking about?
4:10
Yeah, I am the biggest crazy bitch.
4:12
I know, ok, my husband, we’ve been through it and we got married in college.
4:17
We were 20 so you know, we didn’t know jack shit about trauma and attachment styles and all, all of our stuff.
4:26
So we got to navigate all of that while being parents while trying to make life work.
4:33
Yeah.
4:34
So a big catalyst for us that, that I tend to touch on a lot is when Ryan who is a veteran and he was an avid surfer, he’s very athletic.
4:42
He’s just anything he does.
4:43
He’s fully and 100% obsessive including me, which is how he got me.
4:47
So, and he had this mysterious pain in his body and it was in his nervous system and nobody could figure it out.
4:56
So for about 2.5 years, I was pregnant with our fourth child.
5:01
and we had one baby and then two in school and he started to have all of this pain and it wasn’t going away.
5:10
It was, it was just getting worse.
5:12
So for about 2.5 years, he was disabled from doing a lot of the things that he was used to doing.
5:17
He couldn’t even bend over and change a diaper most of the time.
5:20
And he got really depressed.
5:21
So that was a big catalyst, like a big wake up call for me.
5:25
I had just relied on him outsourced, you know, I didn’t know it at the time.
5:29
My happiness, my pleasure, my joy, my peace to him because he was that rock that could hold it until he wasn’t and he couldn’t.
5:37
And I developed an autoimmune disorder during that time too at the end of that pregnancy, which lasted another year.
5:43
So it was, that was my hell, I’m like, this is insanity.
5:46
Nothing is changing.
5:47
Nothing is getting better.
5:49
And that was a big wake up call.
5:50
So that sent me on this trajectory to just look outside of what I thought was permissible in the particular faith that I had grown up in.
5:59
And it led to, you know, getting into my getting into more kink, getting into my witchy practices and to self pleasure practices.
6:07
I pole dance, I sell dildos, fuck like, you know, just all these things that I do now that sucks coach.
6:14
But it goes so much deeper than that.
6:16
It’s really reclaiming the fullness of who we are as human beings and especially as women and that it just snowballed into this beautiful thing that we have now.
6:26
Yeah.
6:27
Wasn’t that great.
6:28
So I’d love for you to share, how was it?
6:30
I guess going from focusing on your husband to focusing on you.
6:35
What did that transition look like?
6:37
Oh OK.
6:38
So you know that whole attitude of like, I don’t need no, man.
6:42
Yeah, I had that but like I was married, it was really awkward.
6:45
I’m like, I hate that I need you.
6:47
So I’m going to not need you and I’m going to be very independent and I got everything and I was already the working parent and so he anyway, it was just it was a lot, it was, it was, it was a wild learning curve to figure out how to identify who I am outside of just my relationship.
7:05
And while not being the cold distant bitch that I often wanted to be of like, well, that’s you problem, that’s your feelings, that’s your trauma.
7:16
But it was really a practice like when you guys talk about repetition.
7:19
Yeah, you, you put in the reps, you, you have a conflict and you realize, oh I wasn’t kind.
7:26
I was, I was just really mean.
7:29
What, what would it look like for me to be more of an embodiment of love and compassion and truth but like big t truth from the soul, not the little tea from my little wounded, scared ego.
7:41
That’s like, so there was just a lot of that from both ends and a lot of navigating the messiness of just healing.
7:51
You know, it was a Yeah.
7:53
And, and we, we’ve learned some things along the way that I get to teach now that helps.
7:57
Like what, so for example, holding space, right?
8:00
Have you ever heard about holding space?
8:03
Yeah.
8:04
Anybody know?
8:04
OK.
8:05
Yeah.
8:06
So, so what that does and doesn’t actually look like in a way that serves the union, not just what serves a sense of peace because what I would see Ryan do and what I see a lot of what I hear from a lot of men is that they’re like, I’m supposed to be this emotionless stoic, immovable tree and she gets to lose her shit and go crazy and I’m not supposed to feel things.
8:29
No, no, bro.
8:30
Like it doesn’t serve anybody for you to be emotionless because then she doesn’t feel your heart.
8:37
So it’s, it’s just the subtle dance or not so subtle sometimes of really revealing our hearts without getting lost in the illusions of all of our fear.
8:47
You know.
8:48
So that’s one big thing.
8:50
I know it’s not logistically a step by step thing.
8:53
And so I mean, you talk to so much of that, it’s like also inviting the man because I feel like as women, there can be this like you’re emotional, you have so much going on.
9:02
You always have a lot to say you’re always talking about everything like blah, blah, blah.
9:07
I mean, yes we are and I mean, to be someone that didn’t learn to express that stuff, I mean, like, yes, we do get to be more expressive.
9:13
Yes, we are very connected.
9:15
But how is it to receive your husband in actually expressing himself actually being with the emotions because I love that in my relationship where we get to meet each other the entire way.
9:26
But I’m so curious how was it for you when he started to actually express himself, actually meet you and in his own expression, how did that look like?
9:34
Well, Ryan’s always been very express and he’s a cancer.
9:38
So I’m a cap.
9:39
I mean, we both we meet in our Scorpioness if anybody is from Yeah.
9:44
So that’s, that’s what you see on my social media.
9:46
They’re like, oh, this makes sense.
9:48
But he was the one that taught me how to really feel.
9:50
So he, I was just very closed off a massive abandonment wound, you know, just I can’t let you in too much or what if you break my heart or you die?
10:01
You know, that was my biggest spirit.
10:02
When we first got married, he’s going to die because he would do all these crazy shit.
10:06
And it’s, you know, when he started to be able to express his emotions, his heart and I could, and I started to be able to just receive it and witness it without trying to fix it because when I was so deeply uncomfortable with my own feelings, I couldn’t handle looking at his.
10:26
And a lot of times it’s flip flopped, you know, in relationships with a man and a woman, but it was so uncomfortable.
10:32
I’m like, let me fix it.
10:33
Let me just make you what can I do to make you feel better?
10:34
And he’s like, I just want you to be with me.
10:36
Damn it.
10:37
And I’m like, why can’t you just be with me?
10:39
So, again, that was part of the messy bits.
10:41
But again, practice repetition, learning how to really speak from this Deep Wisdom center.
10:49
This grounded rooted wisdom in our hearts instead of this flighty like, but I’m so scared.
10:56
What if you do?
10:56
What if I get hurt in this?
10:58
And when we started to be able to communicate from that space and really see each other that changed the way that we, it became less about the mechanics of how we’re communicating and more about meeting hearts like being in it and just doing it.
11:12
Yeah, you did talk a little I can totally relate to like, I mean, I’ve definitely done better about this in my relationships.
11:18
But past relationships, the minute that there was anything wrong, they opened up vulnerably, they told me that they needed something I went straight to fixing and I was like, I need to fix, I need to do this.
11:30
What can I do?
11:30
Do you want to go to therapy?
11:31
Do you want to do this?
11:32
Da da da, da da da.
11:33
And then they’re like me.
11:34
It.
11:34
Yeah.
11:35
And then they become projects or they become like, then it just took me away from what actually they wanted.
11:39
And I’ve also experienced that with myself.
11:42
When people try to fix me, I completely distant myself completely.
11:47
But the minute that someone hears me and hold space for me and not try and change whatever I’m going through, I feel so much more seen and the actual emotions of whatever I’m going through has an opportunity to transmute itself completely dissolve.
12:02
Like instead of me trying to, if I, if so, unless I ask you, hey, I want ideas or I want to be fixed or like help me fix this.
12:11
But let that come from me versus you thinking that that’s what I need, which is a pattern that we can fall into.
12:19
Oh Yeah, totally.
12:20
You know, I know this isn’t the, the juicy conversation but that creates space for the juicy stuff.
12:26
Yeah, I’m telling you’re like that.
12:27
So let’s chat.
12:28
Yeah, totally.
12:29
I mean, I feel like you need this in order to have the juicy stuff.
12:31
So like, how do you rest and how do you bring this into the bedroom?
12:34
How do you start to talk about sex?
12:36
So a lot of like conversations that I have with friendships and people in my community and just clients.
12:41
Like, how do I ask for what I need?
12:43
Like, what do I ask for what I desire?
12:45
And I think me as a woman when it came to being intimate with my partner.
12:50
I never even thought that.
12:51
Like, I always thought it was about the man in the bedroom personally, you know, and I was like, never thought about like, oh, I can ask for what I want or I want it to feel good for me too.
13:00
And so navigating that and getting into a place of being safe to say I want this.
13:05
I feel safe doing this.
13:07
I like that.
13:08
I don’t like that.
13:09
Like, how does someone even get there and how can they start that conversation?
13:14
Well, of course, the foundation for it all is, is feeling that safety and trust and connection and reciprocal respect and reference, you know, all those things at the baseline of the relationship.
13:25
What I see a lot is that let’s just in a typical dynamic of a man and a woman, right?
13:30
He wants her full acceptance and yet is afraid to reveal the parts of himself that she might reject.
13:38
And that’s that dark masculine essence that she’s really craving, but it integrated, not like in serving my own desires kind of way, but she wants to know the fullness of him and and might still scare her.
13:49
I’m not going to lie.
13:50
But then she wants his full devotion and to feel chosen in all of this.
13:54
But then if she rejects him, he doesn’t want to choose her.
13:57
You know, like why the fuck are we doing this?
13:59
So it’s, it’s such a delicate, intricate kind of dance and what happens in the bedroom is just often a reflection of what’s happening in the relationship.
14:10
So if there’s a lack of playfulness and eroticism and just like I see you and I’m with you and I’m present with all the textures of the energy that’s alive right now.
14:20
And I’m just waiting until we can fuck later.
14:22
Like there’s no, there’s no like that, that sexual tension and that aliveness.
14:27
So when people see my page, they have this assumption like you guys must have so much sex.
14:32
I’m like, yeah, like you guys must always be fucking like, you know what we are, we, we are just like sexually vibrant so we can be out picking up the kids from school and we’re hugging and we’re just all over each other and that’s not normal, you know, so I can, I can see why people would think that but it’s just this erotic aliveness and that, that creates that space for when sex actually unfolds or we get into the kinky things or whatever that is.
15:02
Then we have, we have this connection established that isn’t start and stop, that doesn’t start 10 minutes before he sticks it in, you know.
15:11
Yeah.
15:11
So it sounds like it’s every day a part of your lives alive.
15:16
It’s a way of life.
15:17
It’s really the connection, the aliveness that is living in your relationship and within ourselves and within ourselves.
15:23
Like us really reclaiming our pleasure which is why the self pleasure practice was an absolutely the most powerful part of my, how has connect, I’m going to bring it up a little bit.
15:32
But how is connecting to the liveness which is probably like your sexual energy, your life source and all that also just influence the rest of your life.
15:40
Or how can it can it not?
15:41
I know is about creativity just being in the flow.
15:46
I was talking with Ryan about this last night.
15:48
How when someone asked me, how do you bring more pleasure into your business?
15:52
How do you bring more flow?
15:53
I’m like, how do you not?
15:54
I’ve just been not in that space for so long that I take for granted that when I’m in the space of creating, I’m making art, I’m receiving a message and I’m just a conduit of it.
16:05
You know, I’m not in the disillusion that if I post every day, I’m going to make X amount of dollars, it’s not up to me.
16:10
It’s, I’m very surrendered to the universe and the flow.
16:13
And I learned how to do that through my pleasure.
16:16
Practice of just opening myself to receiving.
16:19
I don’t know what’s going to be happening with my body that day.
16:21
I can’t predict that or control that, but we make it a practice of being deeply present with what’s there and just opening ourselves to the possibility of something even more juicy.
16:31
Yeah.
16:32
All right.
16:32
Raise your hand if you are thinking about 2024 or you’re starting to set goals, you’re starting to review the year, you’re starting to see what you really want of next year.
16:41
And I find this year, so this time of the year so interesting because I’ve definitely been the one that was like, I have to set my goals every single end of the year.
16:51
I’m gonna get on track with my workouts and I’m gonna do this and I’m gonna do that.
16:55
And I put so much pressure on myself and then come basically the second week of January, everything would fall through the cracks.
17:01
And you know what I have found to be my secret sauce to truly manifesting and embodying what I want to manifest is not, is, is truly in reflecting on the last couple year on the last year.
17:13
It is setting intentions.
17:15
So I’m not a big fan of goal setting.
17:17
That’s a four whole different conversation.
17:18
Goals lead to expectations, expectations lead to disappointment and that ends up leaving a lot of pressure on ourselves.
17:24
So I am here for intentions.
17:26
I love the structure of intentions.
17:28
I love how it sets us up.
17:29
But there has to be a feeling that you want to feel in 2024.
17:33
And that’s truly what I love to lean into.
17:37
And it has changed the game for me every single year, every single year.
17:42
I am constantly embodying and taking steps towards the woman that I want to become, I am attracting opportunities that are so in line for me, I’m also evolving and looks like for me to live a life fully express in my career in my personal life and so on, just by getting really curious and clear on what it I want to feel like, you know, what do I want to, who do I want to feel like when for all the things that I want to manifest?
18:08
Absolute game changer, I will do a podcast episode on this.
18:13
But what I am currently offering you right now as we transition from 2023 into 2024 this is going to be available all of December and all of January.
18:26
I am gonna be offering 30 minute strategy sessions for individuals.
18:31
So if you’re looking to strategize and get really clear on what you want 2024 to look like, feel like be like the sessions for you.
18:39
It’s gonna be for $88 and I’m also offering couple sessions.
18:44
So really the opportunity for you as individuals to get really aligned on what your own desires are.
18:51
But what does that look like in partnership?
18:53
What does it look like to the actual relationship?
18:56
And that is going to be a 16 minute session available for $222.
19:01
So 222 and you can dm me at I am Kenna Soto and ask me more details about it that is only going to be available for December and January.
19:15
So if you are interested on getting support, please message me, I’m really not offering coaching containers anymore.
19:21
And I got so much feedback on how many people are gonna be really offering my missing my container.
19:28
So this is such a rare experience and I wanted to let you know about it.
19:31
So please please please send me ad m if you’re interested and we can talk through it.
19:36
So dropping you back into the episode and enjoy.
19:40
So I want to talk about that.
19:41
How can you know, I feel like there’s always these itches.
19:45
It’s like, oh, I want to do this in the bedroom or I want to be open to this, like what comes from, what can we do to lean into that?
19:53
And then also like, why would someone want to do that?
19:55
You know, I feel like it can get scary to let you try new suit and try new things.
19:59
Yeah.
19:59
So if we start to be more sexually and openly expressed in the bedroom, like more fully expressed and start to let into our illness and lean into things, like I didn’t know I’d ever like that, but I like that.
20:09
That can be scary.
20:10
How can someone navigate that fear of like, will I be too much, will it not be accepted?
20:16
Will it not be wanted?
20:17
I think it’s a matter of just diving into it and see sometimes I’ve been surprised at how much capacity Ryan has had for my just bigness, you know, and, and for me to assume that this is going to be too much and sometimes he’s not in a place to fully meet that.
20:36
And that’s ok too.
20:37
It’s ok too, you know, and, but, but I have been very harsh in those moments, especially in the early parts of our journey of like, why don’t you want me?
20:45
You know, why are you rejecting me?
20:47
And so really, it’s a practice of being vulnerable and and there is no vulnerability without the possibility of being rejected.
20:55
And you can also always fine tune things together and just say, OK, last season we were really into, you know, the, this one particular kink or you wanted to get tied up all the time and now it’s just not my jam now.
21:06
I just want you to, I’m not going to say it.
21:08
But yeah, it sounds like there’s an ebb and flow like stuck either.
21:14
That’s always fluid, fluid like there has to only look like it’s alive and that doesn’t mean this has to be the thing.
21:21
Now.
21:22
I just, I had a flash of a text I sent Ryan right before as I pulled in, I was like, do this when I get home.
21:28
Is there anything else that you feel called to share with everyone here?
21:33
You know, the most recurrent theme lately and all this crazy energetic stuff happened cosmically is to inquire deeper into what is the part of a part, just a part.
21:45
The next part that I have been resisting really feeling into like, who is she or she, who is that?
21:53
And recognizing that the more that we can just look face to face at the parts of ourselves that we’re like, this is too much or too weird or it’s ick or it’s cringe and connect with it and call it home.
22:04
We become more fully expressed.
22:08
Yeah, that was so good.
22:09
Thank you.

Episode Highlights:

  • Luci’s story of her husband getting sick and how it pushed her inward
  • How to create safety for vulnerable sharing and intimacy
  • Practical communication tips for deep relating & meeting hearts
  • Keeping erotic aliveness alive in long-term relationships
  • Leaning into our full sexual expression with courage

About Luci:

Luci Lampe is a mom of 4, a trauma-informed sex & relationship coach, an award-winning singer and songwriter, a commercial actress & print model, and a 3X author. Her writing has been featured in the Huffington Post, Forbes, Entrepreneur.com, CBS, and Fox.

After overcoming an autoimmune disorder and embarking on a deep healing journey and spiritual awakening during her husband’s 2-year disability and depression, Luci returns with a bold message of Love, courage, and freedom.

Connect with Luci:

Join The Fully Expressed Community, where you can be surrounded by other women who are also on the same path of personal growth, healing, and uncovering their authentic expression. Being in a community surrounded by others can truly be one of the most supporting and healing containers to support your personal invitation.

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Karenna Soto

I’m an expert in communication, creating healthy professional and personal relaitonships, and in managing and overcoming anxiety with a knack for navigating difficult conversations both in personal and professional atmospheres. I am here to invite you into your fullest authentic expression and personal evolution.

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I know how debilitating it can feel to be stuck on the perpetual hamster wheel of a life that you don’t enjoy living. Sure, externally you’ve got it all together, but internally, it likely feels like you’re questioning E V E R Y T H I N G.

Can you relate?

It was when I felt disconnect with what I was doing, and with how I was showing up in my life that I realized the answers lied in how I was doing what I was doing that I decided I no longer wanted to keep living within the box of what I was told to be and decided to boldly express myself and stand for what truly mattered to me.

I have seen the power of fully expressing myself in my personal and professional life. Now I want to bring it to the masses, which is why I’ve created this podcast.

This podcast is my invitation to all people struggling to be fully expressed in life, relationships, and business. It’s for those who are wanting to feel A L I V E, connected, and in love with their life, relationships, and business.

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