Episode #15: Solo Episode: The Importance of Expressing Yourself with Your Voice

Written by: Karenna Soto
The Fully Expressed Podcast
The Fully Expressed Podcast
Episode #15: Solo Episode: The Importance of Expressing Yourself with Your Voice
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Have you ever felt the fear of speaking up? Like a child silenced, many of us hide behind our fears, leaving parts of ourselves unexpressed. In this compelling conversation, I share my journey from a quiet and agreeable child to a woman who uses her voice powerfully. You’ll discover how using your voice can lead to self-acceptance, authentic relationships, and the release of shame.

Imagine a world where we’re all free to express our truest selves, where our voices hold transformative power. We’ll discuss overcoming the fear that often restrains our voices. Delving into the discomfort of expressing ourselves, even at the risk of conflict or judgment, we’ll dive into the book “Say It Out Loud” and how it can guide us through the process of releasing shame. With these discussions, we aim to create a safe space for women to support each other in our journey towards growth and healing.

As we progress, we’ll delve into the four stages of using your voice, right from facing discomfort to practicing reassurance. You’ll see how speaking up can foster deeper connections and contribute to enriching discussions. We’ll conclude with a discussion about the upcoming live interviews from the launch party in December, emphasizing the importance of honest and effective communication in relationships. Let’s step into our most authentic selves, ladies; after all, every voice matters. So tune in, and let’s explore this journey of growth and healing together!

You can read the full podcast transcript for this episode below:

00:00 – Speaker 1
Welcome to the Fully Expressed podcast with Karenna. This is where we talk about all the things that can invite us into living a life fully expressed, so thank you so much for being here Today. We get a little solo episode with me, which I’m really excited about. Today’s conversation. I’m really, or I’m really looking forward to today’s conversation with you, just because there’s there’s so much importance in finding our fullest expression through our voice, through using our words, through sharing our opinions, to talking and sharing your perspective and so much more, because, when it comes to our voices, when it comes to our words, there’s no one that has a voice like you. There’s no one that says the things that you say. No one, not everyone, is thinking the things that you’re thinking, and so it’s so important for us to lean into using our voice. And so, if you have ever struggled to just share your opinion, have hard conversations, share your perspectives, saying no, and what does that look like? Like, actually saying like this is all about your voice. If you’ve ever struggled with that, or maybe you’ve gotten to the point of like, what’s the point of sharing my voice if nothing’s going to change? What’s the point if I say something and it ends up creating conflict or we end up getting in a fight, or no one understands why I’m saying it, or maybe you’re in this place of like. Well, if I say what’s on my mind, like, people might judge me, people might think of me differently, and I think what’s important about just understanding that is because if you are living in that space that is just sharing and showing you that you are up against your fears, you’re being held back by the parts of you that want to protect yourself, the parts of you that want to keep you safe. And before I dive into the different reasons of why it’s important to say your voice, I think it’s necessary to also realize that by not sharing your voice, by not using your words, by not speaking for yourself, by not saying no, you are completely leaving so many parts of you behind.
02:26
So I would love to tell you a little bit of story of what that actually means. You know, when I first started this work, I didn’t really think that my voice was going to be one of the biggest catalysts for a lot of my feeling, and so when I started this, I was like, oh, okay, but like what I realize now is that if you knew me when I was younger and you asked my parents like what was kind of like when she was little, they would probably tell you that I was super sweet, super kind, super easygoing, I barely even screamed. Okay, you guys, there’s one story that my mom tells all the time and she talks about how she just drove a little bit crazy and by the time we got to the grocery store I would be in the backseat, completely on my side, and she wasn’t necessarily unsafe or anything. But it was just funny how like I did not even cry, I didn’t make a peep, I was just on my side, just hanging out there, and that same concept or idea or vision that, if you’re thinking, is kind of the same way that I showed up in all areas of my life. So, like things that quote unquote could have made me uncomfortable or things that could have hurt me, I just stuffed it, I didn’t say anything or didn’t react to it. So I was very, very just, consistent. I was very neutral and I also thought that staying neutral was what kept me safe. It’s the one thing that if I kept things neutral, if I kept things consistently, if I just agreed with everyone’s opinions or I just supported every single little thing in every way, that everything will be great, I would be lovable.
04:05
And what I realized throughout this healing journey and truly wanting to step into learning to use my voice in many different ways and just sharing my opinions, I have found that my voice and the way that I express myself is actually the key to owning who I am, loving who I am attracting friendships and opportunities and community and relationships that are aligned with me, and my voice is a huge advocate. My voice has not only created such a sense of me owning who I am, so truly stepping into me, loving every part of me. It has also been this beautiful way to release the shame from a lot of the different parts within me. And so what does that actually mean? You know, if you haven’t heard of the book, I think she does this so well. What is it? I’m blanking there’s this really? Oh, say it out loud. It’s the book. And I’m blanking on the author’s name. She’s absolutely amazing. I think her name’s Kumar, and the book actually talks so much about saying it out loud, saying whatever your mind is on out loud. And I loved it. And I found the book right before I started this podcast, because I was lucky for some kind of inspiration to step into using my voice a little bit more and what I learned from the book that everything that I have ever experienced was true. It was very validating in my own experience and owning my voice.
05:36
And the biggest thing that came from that book that I think a lot of people need to hear is like when you start to talk about your feelings and your thoughts out loud, you release a lot of shame around what you’re feeling or what you’re thinking, and I think that translates so much into when we’re using our words and conversations and communication and keeping people there like especially the hard stuff. When you’re saying really hard things, it allows us to just let it be what is and being what is. That’s when you can really just release such an attachment. But when we stuff it or stuff anything down our opinions, our perspectives, our truth, our thoughts, how we think about things like one that by putting it out there, there is a sense of relief that you get because you’re not suffocating these thoughts, you’re not suffocating these parts of you.
06:33
But when you’re not speaking your truth, when you’re not being honest about what’s coming up for you, you’re suffocating parts of you. They literally feel like they’re trying to come up above water and say something, but you end up just putting more water on them and drowning them, and then they’re going to keep fighting to come back up. It’s almost like they want to say something, but they just keep getting stuff down, and so the force to come through just keeps getting stronger and stronger and stronger, and the energy that it takes to truly stuff these parts of you, your voice, your opinion, your words down is actually more exhausting than actually just saying it. Which is interesting, right? Because when we talk about using your voice, we talk about starting to do things.
07:22
One of the very first stages that you’ll go through is facing a ton of uncomfortability, facing a lot of unsafety, facing a lot of fear that comes up for you, and you can actually feel that in your throat, in your chest, in your belly. When you talk about it somatically, you can feel parts of you come up, the anxiety starts stirring, you start to overthink things. I don’t want to say it. I don’t say it. Maybe some of you just associate in those moments, and so one of the very first stages that you’ll go through when you start to truly own your voice and want to step into this is that, and the way that I like to think about it is like in those moments, it’s your body trying to keep you safe. This is your ego trying to keep you safe. This is where the parts of you want to manage your experience and keep you from truly owning that part of you or bringing that part of you to light.
08:14
All right, my love, I’m jumping in here real quick to tell you about the fully expressed community, because the women that are in this group are phenomenal, and if you’re listening to this and you’re a lady, a female, or know someone that is female, or a lady that is on this path of growth and wanting to continue to evolve as a human being and find their fullest authentic expression in their relationships, in their life, in their business, in relationships, and want to be surrounded by a community of women that are dedicated to doing the work themselves, I want you in this community, I want to invite you into this community. I really think that being surrounded by other women that are on the same path that just get you, that just totally understand where you’re coming from or where you’re going or where you want to go and wherever that path is, and create such a safe space for you to be held in. That and encouraged in. That is so important for our healing. If you find yourself feeling an ounce or a sprinkle of anxiety or overwhelmed or just uneasiness with the thought of being in a group container, about talking about very vulnerable things, I just want to encourage you and remind you that I totally understand, I totally get it. It can be edgy, it can be scary to open yourself in that way, but in doing so you end up creating so much more healing. I’ve had some of the biggest breakthroughs being in containers that can hold me and being surrounded by other women that are also on this path, because I feel like I’m seen and understood, and so I truly want to invite you into giving it a chance. I’m also offering one month free if you leave a review of the podcast and you will get access to the next second Wednesday to join us. So go ahead and leave a review and I will send you the invitation to see you so you can actually get a taste of what it feels like to be within the community.
10:06
Again, come join us in the Monthly Express community, where you only don’t hear from myself, and get teachings and somatic practices and meditations and guiding and network nervous system regulation. But you also get to learn from renowned practitioners, healers, coaches, etc. That are doing the thing in this world and they have gifts to share with you about what is available to you and you get to take that and crack the code for yourself and how that applies to your life and how that applies to your relationships and how that applies to your business and your brand, your career, etc. Because for all of us women, I really do envision a world not only for the betterment of ourselves, of why we live on this earth, but as well as our community, as our collective, as the human being, a human population, really bringing an opening arms to the woman that is slowly expressed, that is living in her power, that is so confident and bold and as well as such in her feminine and vulnerable and soft and open to creating that space. And so here we’re going to be surrounded by other women that want that and that create that and that, this burning desire to be on that path. So come join us, leave a review of what I’m doing for the next one, for free, and I hope to see you there.
11:24
And so when you step into actually like saying the thing, you are going to face a lot of uncomfortability, but since that uncomfortability is new to you, since uncomfortability is something on the other side that you’ve never experienced before, it can seem a lot scarier, it can seem a lot worse, but you know, our systems and our egos do such a great job of keeping you in the same place, even if it’s painful, even if it’s different, because at least it’s something that you know. And so when you’re stepping into something new, like starting to use your voice, like starting to say something, you are going to face these moments and these parts of you that are scared to step into that because you’ve never done that before. And so just keep that in mind and the other stages that can come to and I’ll probably talk about this more in a different episode, but after speaking, because you expressed it there will be an initial relief. Possibly, you know, like, oh, I finally said it. And on the other side of that, you could experience a ton of things. I’m not gonna say that people are gonna always respond well, because they may not. To be honest, you could receive a lot of safety and understanding and openness from how you’re saying things. I get that.
12:50
And then the next stage that you’ll go into, you might end up having a lot of second thoughts and it almost feels like an emotional hangover, like you’re kind of retelling the story in your head, like how you said things, what you said, and what does that actually look like? And you’re spinning and you’re spiraling because you just said the thing that you haven’t said in a long time and you’re like, well, should I have said that? Oh, but the truth is that’s just a part of the process, and that’s just a part of the process is trying to protect you from like oh, maybe if you shouldn’t have said that, then I’m telling you that you shouldn’t have said that and that’s just your ego speaking. And so I’m just letting you know this, because as you step into using your voice, you will start to face these different parts of yourself. And then the fourth is the stage of practicing reassurance, like loving the different parts of you, reminding yourself that you’re safe.
13:38
There is this sense of you’ve got you in this process, and the goal is to go through these four different stages over and practicing them over and over again so your system knows how to start using your voice, why you wanna start using your voice and when it comes to why I really wanna lean into, like, why the fuck would I start using my voice? Right, it’s like I’ve been doing a good crana, like things are really great, and some of the questions that I’ve gotten by working with different clients is like well, what if I share this and it isn’t received? Well, or what if I say this and they lash out at me? Or what if I say this and it’s not true? Or what if I say this and they leave me? Or what if I say this and they decide to change their opinion of me or their view of me?
14:36
And I wanna say I get that, I truly get that. I understand what that feels like I truly do. And I would propose the question of are you doing this for that, or are you doing this for you? And to some sense, I will share how this is really helpful for the other person. But who is this for and why are you doing that? And I just wanna you think about like how many days, how many weeks, how many years have you hepped from saying what’s on your mind, sharing your opinion, being honest about how you feel, how long have you been doing that. And just take a second for a moment and imagine, if that was your daughter, your son, a little girl at school, that every time that she wanted to speak up, you told her it wasn’t okay, that it wasn’t safe and that she should stay silent. That is exactly what we are doing when we tell parts of ourselves to not speak up, to shove it down, to shut up, to be like no, that’s not true, and we ignore it. Can you imagine what that little girl or that little boy or that little human would feel in moments of shutdown over and over and over again? Like what? It’s crazy to even think about it that way, but it’s true and that’s what we do to the different parts of ourselves that feel this way and that aren’t getting the opportunity to express themselves.
16:03
And so some of the reasons why it is important to express yourself, and so some of the reasons why it’s an and to express yourself with using your voice, is one contributing to different conversations, contributing to discussions. When you share your voice, you share your opinion, you share your perspective. You start to bring different perspective than ideas to the table, which can honestly lead to new creative conversations and so much better understanding within a group, so you can leverage this in the workspace. You can leverage this in just groups and areas that are looking for different ideas, and the truth is not everyone is seeing it through the different lens, but that’s the secret sauce. That’s why it’s important for you to share your thoughts and opinions and perspectives when you are talking about an idea, or talking about how to solve a problem, or just talking about a specific topic, because someone might not think of it the same way that you think of it and the way that you think of it could honestly contribute to so much better understanding on that topic.
17:14
The second one really builds this deeper connection with the people that you are in your life. Expressing yourself authentically helps others understand you better, foster deeper connections and genuine relationships, because by you expressing yourself and being honest, they get to know the real you, they get to trust that they know you Versus, like I shared earlier today, earlier on this episode, that like I was super neutral for so long and in those moments like yeah, I kept the pee use and I didn’t get a conflict, but like, where was my sauce? Where was my spice? Where was the salt in? Like the saltiness? Right, it’s like, do you like? Would you rather show a bland and have a bland meal or have something that’s tasteful? And when you start to express yourself, you become tasty in connections. You become something that people want to look forward to and crave, because they get the better you, because they experience your authentic self and it helps others like truly understand who that is for you and in doing that, you will truly attract the people that like the taste of you, the flavor of your authentic self and how you are.
18:31
The third is empowerment. So you end up receiving so much confidence by just authentically expressing yourself, by just using your voice and voicing your opinions, asserting your beliefs, and by doing that you know that you end up. You end up going through this cycle of wow, I shared my opinion, I receive good feedback. And you’ll start to receive feedback or acceptance or understanding in the right rooms, right in the rooms where, by using your voice, you attract this and you get more confident in your beliefs, more confident in your opinions. Now, if you’re in this place where you don’t feel confident about your opinions, you don’t feel confident about your perspectives, talk about that, share that, that, because I’m sure others can resonate with that too, which goes back to building this really deep connection with others, because you’re relatable, right like at the end of the day, like by saying the things that you go through, you do end up attracting other people that are going through the same thing.
19:35
And you know, vulnerability is one of the catalysts to connections, and when you are vulnerable and you are honest about what’s coming up for you, other people can feel you, other people can understand you, other people can relate to you because maybe on some level they’ve gone through a similar situation or they felt similar emotions or have had similar thoughts. But you won’t know unless you start saying it out loud. And the more practice that you get at saying it out loud, the more empowered you feel, the more incompetent that you’ll feel. And what comes from this too, right like when I go back to what I was saying earlier, we end up leaving lots of parts of ours behind. By practicing using your voice, by practicing what’s sharing on your mind, by voicing what’s truly true, you create this level of inner respect is what I call it. So then, the fifth one, or the fourth one, is inner respect, because the parts of you now can trust you as the person, that you have their back, that you can create safety for them to express themselves, that you can respect their opinions and allow them to be here, and that inner respect creates a lot of inner trust in yourself. When you step into voicing these parts of you that you haven’t put voices, that you haven’t spoken, and when you create inner respect for yourself this, like respect for yourself, other people, in return tarts, start to respect you too.
21:11
And then the next one is integration. So by giving the different parts of you the opportunity to voice themselves, to express themselves, you’re giving all these different parts of you the opportunity to integrate into your life, into who you are, which is all the different parts of you that are in this world. Are all these different parts of you internally that, instead of fighting against each other, it’s like how do they all get to work together, how do they get to all be here? And so that’s the, that’s the. That’s the one that I think is also really important is like when you keep these parts of you, or your voice and your opinions and everything behind you, just try to shuffle them or try to think that they’re not worthy enough to be spoken of, then they never get to actually fully integrate into, like, into the creativity of you, into who you’re meant to be in this world, who you get to be in this world, and so it’s really important that you lean into the you can integrate.
22:10
And one of the last ones that came up for me in preparing for this episode and that I think would be really helpful to share is, like there will be a less resentment and frustration in your relationships if you start saying what you want, if you start saying no, if you start communicating what’s truly going on, because you give the other person in that relationship that’s relating to you an opportunity to truly know what you want and need. I think so often like especially if you’re someone that doesn’t like to use your voice or doesn’t like to speak there’s this sense of assumption that people know exactly what we need and want in those moments. And there are some people that have an art out there that truly know how to be with you and be in different moments of things, and maybe you feel like they read your mind because they’re the same, but, let’s say, like 90 to 95% of the time, people don’t always know what you need, what kind of support you need, or what you’re really going through or what you’re really thinking. They can assume, and, if anything, I think assumptions end up creating a so much more disconnect because you think that’s that and they’re bouncing off a completely different idea. So just imagine if you actually used your voice, if you actually took the opportunity to share what was on your mind, there would be so much more or less resentment because you would be met in conversation, you would be met in community, you would be met in your friendships and your relationships. There would be this sense of like wow, you hear me, you see me, you love me. This is awesome, and it truly is such a beautiful space to be in. And so the last thing that I wanna share when it comes to saying your voice, using your voice, is that, as you lean into it and you realize the importance of using your voice, you do find how powerful your voice is, not just in the words, but in the opportunity to communicate in ways that weren’t probably available to you because you weren’t really leaning in, and so I really wanna encourage you to start using your voice, start practicing what it actually looks like.
24:26
Some people just struggle with using their voice and talking out loud in their home and their car and their mirror, and some I’ve even heard some people say how much they don’t like their voice. That was something that I went through too. I would listen to my voice on a recording and I was like I don’t like the way that sounds or I don’t like the way that I said, that I could have said it better, or things like that, and I would find myself judging my own voice, not even the things and even the things that I was saying. I just wanna remind you that you won’t get to a place of loving your voice or expressing yourself in this way unless you practice it. I get so many questions about like well, how do you know what it’s gonna look like?
25:06
And the truth is, if someone hasn’t told you this, you don’t know what you’re gonna experience until you experience it. There can be a lot of guessing and assumptions and ideas about what it looks like to express yourself or what could potentially happen, and you could think positively or negatively, but you truly don’t know what you’re gonna experience unless you start practicing it. You have to live an experience in order to know, and so I hope that gives you a sense of encouragement and motivation to freaking experience it, because after experiencing it, then you can start to solidify your thoughts around expressing yourself, make adjustments, see what’s available to you. The only thing that I ask is that, as you start to lean into using your voice, as you start to express yourself, that you realize that give yourself some grace, because there’s gonna be some gray area that you haven’t fully stepped into yet. You don’t really know what it’s gonna happen, and it’s okay that you don’t know. You don’t have the path forward.
26:07
You don’t have to have all the answers about, like, if this goes this way or that goes that way, or how do I respond to someone in this way? And First get yourself to the first step and just start using your voice. If someone says like what do you want for dinner tonight? And they’re like I want a dahlion, and you’re like, oh, I really don’t want a dahlion, you’re like I really want American and I want a burger, say like I really want a burger. Or the next time that someone is sharing their opinion and you’re thinking about your opinion, just be like you know, what really comes up for me is XYZ.
26:43
And the next time someone asks you how you’re doing, be honest about how you’re doing and like, instead of just saying I’m good or I’m fine or things are great, like. Be honest, like what’s truly on your mind when someone says, like, how are you doing? It could be easy to get to these automatic responses because that’s what we’ve done our whole lives. But try being honest in that and then start to take note of what it feels like in your body when you are honest with the different parts of yourselves as well as when you start to face the hard things. When you start to face saying harder things, what does that actually look like in your body and which topics specifically make your body feel uncomfortable or anxious or you know things like that, and start to take note about that.
27:24
But this is really one of the first steps to finding your voice. You got to use it. If you want to have a voice, if you want to feel expressed, if you want to find relationships that admire you for you and value your opinion and encourage your voice and encourage the way that you think about things and encourage your process, you got to start using your voice. You got to start doing it and that’s going to put you in rooms that feel really good to you, really really good for you, and you start to create such a deep connection because there’s truth there truly is truth, and so, with that being said, if you do end up taking a leap, I would love to hear about it.
28:10
Just send me a note on Instagram at the Fully Express podcast. Just send me a DM. I would love to hear what it looked like for you and if you want some help or assistance on how to actually say something or how what the delivery can look like like maybe you have a hard conversation coming up with your boss, or you have a hard conversation coming up with your partner, or maybe you’re just feeling uncomfortable with a friendship I would love to support you in the DMs If I do get a lot of good feedback. I’ve been dabbling with offering this on my personal brand page I am Karina Soto. On Instagram, once a week I haven’t decided what days maybe they’re going to be on Wednesdays, where I drop my box and you guys can drop any kind of hard conversations that you’re preparing for, and I will give you feedback on how you can deliver it in a way that is supportive to you and also the person that’s receiving it, because I think that’s also going to be very helpful in actually teaching you how to navigate the conversation and how to say the things that you could say, and let me know if that would be interesting to you to shoot me a DM, because I would love to do that.
29:20
And I’m really excited because I hope that you take this podcast knowing that your voice matters. That’s what I want to leave you with is that your voice matters. The way that you say things is so important, and we need more people sharing their opinions or perspectives and just owning their most authentic self in it, expressing it through their voice and using their voices, because I’m tired of seeing people leave parts of them behind. I believe that the more of us that bring ourselves forward, that step into their truth is going to create much healthier relationship dynamics, and I’m not saying it’s going to be easy to get there, but I do know it’s worth it. So thank you so much for listening to today’s episode, what I’m stoked about and what to look forward to for the rest of the month.
30:09
If you didn’t get a chance to come to the launch party for this podcast back in October, all of the live interviews are going to be dropping in December, so make sure you look out for those. The interviews are so epic. We’re going to dive more into communication and why honesty and why safety and communication are just so important in relationships, and so please make sure to keep your ears out for those and then go ahead and share this with anyone that you think has been kind of stuck in this place, of not really communicating or not really sharing their truth or not fully expressing themselves, or you just you guys maybe talked about this. I would love to get this episode in their hands and then, obviously, let me know what you think about it in the reviews, and I’m sending you with so much love as you go into the holidays and I will tune in next week. Bye ya.

Episode Highlights:

  • Contribution to Discussions: Sharing your thoughts brings new perspectives and ideas to the table, potentially leading to innovation and better understanding.
  • Building Connections: Expressing yourself authentically helps others understand you better, fostering deeper connections and genuine relationships.
  • Empowerment: Voicing your opinions asserts your beliefs and builds confidence, knowing that your voice matters and can make a difference.
  • Respectful Expression: It’s important to express yourself respectfully, consider others’ thoughts and feelings, and be open to different perspectives for meaningful communication.
  • Inner Respect: When you start to voice your opinion, you create an in respect for yourself. 
  • Integration: Integrating the different parts of you that haven’t had a voice 
  • Less resentment and frustration: When you start to share your voice, you stop leaving people to guess and make you upset.
  • The stages that you will go through when you start to say what’s on your mind:
    – Extreme Uncomfortable / Fear  – Throat, Belly, Chest, Freeze
    – Initial Release / Surprises / Safety 
    – Second Thoughts / Emotional Hangover
    – Reassurance 
    – Re-talking this through 

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Contact Karenna: hello@karennasoto.com 

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Karenna Soto

I’m an expert in communication, creating healthy professional and personal relaitonships, and in managing and overcoming anxiety with a knack for navigating difficult conversations both in personal and professional atmospheres. I am here to invite you into your fullest authentic expression and personal evolution.

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More About Karenna

I know how debilitating it can feel to be stuck on the perpetual hamster wheel of a life that you don’t enjoy living. Sure, externally you’ve got it all together, but internally, it likely feels like you’re questioning E V E R Y T H I N G.

Can you relate?

It was when I felt disconnect with what I was doing, and with how I was showing up in my life that I realized the answers lied in how I was doing what I was doing that I decided I no longer wanted to keep living within the box of what I was told to be and decided to boldly express myself and stand for what truly mattered to me.

I have seen the power of fully expressing myself in my personal and professional life. Now I want to bring it to the masses, which is why I’ve created this podcast.

This podcast is my invitation to all people struggling to be fully expressed in life, relationships, and business. It’s for those who are wanting to feel A L I V E, connected, and in love with their life, relationships, and business.

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